Shattering the Stigma - It’s Time for a Hand Up

Geoff Moore is a proud husband and father of four children. He is an active volunteer and second time entrepreneur with a passion for sustainable finance. Having drawn lessons from his experiences and those of many others on being "pinned", Geoff has a strong drive to offer a hand up to people who are struggling through stories and conversation, and aspires to contribute as a mental health advocate and speaker.

I am sharing a story about my personal experiences with concussions and a mental breakdown that led to a five week hospitalization in the hopes that it will help other people.

It would have been wonderful if my parents had access to an organization like Concussion Legacy Foundation Canada and the expertise and resources it brings to the table back when I was in the fifth grade. What began as a normal, carefree day in elementary school changed in an instant when one of my friends stuck out his leg to tag me when I was trying to sprint past him playing British Bulldog and I went head-over-heels, unable to stop my head from hitting the pavement. It was the biggest shock of my life up to that point and my vision immediately blurred, a huge headache began and when I put my hands up to my head I felt a large welt swell rapidly as I screamed in bewilderment. I was brought to the Children’s Hospital and believe I was kept overnight for observation. I continued to have unpredictable migraines throughout the year, and would regularly go home to bed, close my eyes and often cry myself to sleep when the pain was not tolerable. I was interested in both hockey and football among other sports at the time, but for years did not engage in either sport because each time I tried putting on a helmet, I would get a very painful headache right away.

I had my second confirmed concussion during CEGEP (Community College) while playing for the school's rugby team. I say "confirmed" because I accidentally ran into a parking meter while being chased by friends a couple of years before my concussion in Grade 5 and never knew if the headaches I had for a few days after were from a concussion or not. During a game against our main rival, I was kicked in the head by an opponent while coming out of a ruck and a fight ensued between players on both teams. I had no idea where I was - in fact, after giving me smelling salts our team trainer decided that it was clear that I needed to get off the field when I began answering his questions by referencing the Flintstones cartoon series…. Funny in some ways, but in reality not for me. My mind was in a fog for many weeks, I regularly felt sick and did poorly on my midterm exams. This did not prevent me from getting into my first choice of universities but certainly could have.

A couple of decades later, I started my first entrepreneurial venture. The success I had working for big companies with all the resources available to bring to the table did not translate as readily as I had expected when I passionately tried to start a company from scratch. In my mind, I dedicated the company in part to my late father who was my greatest hero and a World War II vet. So, while this helped provide initial motivation, it also added to the pressure when I struggled to keep the company going after close to two years. I felt that I had let him and my own family down in a huge way. I didn’t realize it at the time, but over the final few months I was not sleeping much, not eating properly, and had stopped all sports and athletic activities to dedicate myself fully to the business to try to make it sustainable. Anxiety was building and my ability to function and execute was weakening. I dropped speaking engagements and found out later I also had severe sleep apnea. I did not have support from a business incubator or accelerator during that time (about a decade ago), and a combination of serious challenges that entrepreneurs often face eventually became overwhelming. Without going into details, I was hospitalized for five weeks with a mental breakdown. The whole situation created a hugely stressful situation for my family. Having been floored by concussions and also having had other unexpected health experiences during my life, I already knew that there were times when you realize that getting up is impossible. I learned first hand that whether it is a physical or mental health issue, you are going to be pinned. Period. My doctor told me during my hospitalization that everyone has a breaking point(s) and I had found mine. 

However, intense experiences can be great teachers. I have been thinking for some time about what thoughts I can offer in this personal story that might be helpful to those who are struggling now either with post concussion syndrome, depression, anxiety or other mental health challenges. While I don’t claim to have any specific solutions to anyone’s problems, I can share an idea that I hope will lead in a positive direction. The objective is to ease the pressure on people in crisis through everyone recognizing their common humanity.

So what am I talking about? Let me try to explain myself using the following illustration:

The analogy I want to use is one from exercising in the gym. Anyone can try this, and the result will be the same no matter how strong you are. Instead of using a heavy weight as a test of strength as people normally do, take an air bar (45 pounds - the lightest bar), and bring it over to the bench press. Now do as many repetitions as you can. But there is one twist to this challenge... The number of reps only counts once you can no longer lift the last rep off your chest. How many did you do? How much does the weight feel like now? It is still just the same 45 pounds… but it now feels like hundreds of pounds, right? And no matter how strong you are, you are PINNED at this point… you cannot get up on your own. Are you weak? No. You are just like everyone else... you’ve reached a breaking point where even the lightest load is unbearable on your own.

People looking at anyone in the gym pinned under 45 pounds would not understand how someone would allow themselves to get into that situation… It is embarrassing they might think... Why didn’t they ask for a spot?... They must be incredibly weak to be pinned by 45 pounds… But people who are pinned in real life do not choose to be there. Unfortunately, they often don't come forward for help because they are afraid of the stigmatization by other people from all of the above, and their own weakened state and the resulting self-talk is also weighing heavily at the time.

The challenges that lead to someone being pinned are not always visible to others. They cannot see behind the sometimes herculean endurance required to deal with any number of possible real life struggles and health conditions which when compounded day after day after day will eventually pin anyone. The need for help before someone gets pinned is clear.  When you are pinned, despair is possible. As part of this, shattering stigma is very important.  One way this can happen is when people understand their own vulnerability to being pinned.  Using the weight room analogy - and in real life - no one stands alone as we all share a common vulnerability depending on what life throws at you.

I have one more idea to share that I think might help. When you are struggling - pinned - you may see no way out to regain a bright future. You may feel you have lost your identity. You struggle, thinking how on Earth you can ever get your identity back. You need hope. You need help. You need reference points. from the many people who have been there in similar situations to you. You are not alone, and the weight can start lifting with that knowledge.

To build upon this thought, I want to share a story from a road trip I took a few years ago with my eldest son who is an excellent, self-taught guitarist and music lover. As part of our trip we went to the Rock N’ Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland and the Country Music Hall of Fame in Nashville. In between these locations we spent time in Louisville, Kentucky and among other activities we toured the Muhammad Ali Center. It was there that I learned about the "Red Bike Moment”.  At the Center they have stories from people around the world sharing their own equivalent of “Red Bike Moments” or a transformational moment in their lives that occurred because of a challenge or some type of adversity.

Quoting from the Center’s website:

"When Muhammad Ali—then Cassius Marcellus Clay—was twelve years old, a thief stole his new red Schwinn bicycle outside of the annual Louisville Home Show. Clay, in tears, found a policeman to report the crime to and stated that he wanted to “whup” the thief who stole his bike.

Serendipitously, the policeman was Sergeant Joe Martin, who trained boxers. He encouraged Clay to learn how to fight before looking for retaliation. Martin’s gym was in the basement of the same building they were standing in. Clay showed up the next day to start training and he spent the next six years under Martin.

Had young Cassius not been the victim of a stolen bicycle AND had he not taken the advice of the police officer, his life would certainly have taken a different path. Cassius Clay’s stolen bike became a catalyst for his boxing career and illustrates by example how Cassius found his purpose in life at an early age."

Nobody wants to have concussions or mental health challenges, and once again I am not trying to downplay the complexity of these issues or purport to have any magic solutions for anyone's problems.  What is a fact is that EVERYONE is vulnerable to being pinned when life plays hardball.  By realizing and admitting this fact, hopefully we are all one step closer to seeking, accepting and offering a hand up when it is our turn, as this is the first step in getting an appropriate team in the game to help get on the road to turning adversity into the hopeful potential of a new chapter and a personal "Red Bike Moment".